I. Developing and maintaining a healthy sense of self as shaped by God, community, and life experiences.

My sense of self is currently informed by my prayer practices and by my relationships, both within the church and completely outside the church setting. I named prayer practices as a factor first because I sense a direct correlation between my prayer life and having a strong sense of self and purpose. Without the grounding of prayer, meditation, and study, I tend to lose myself in doing for others. As part of a recent Member in Discernment Retreat, I took a boundary training course. I remember thinking that I knew what we would discuss- our behaviors with and around our church relationships. I also remember being surprised that an entire portion of the course was devoted to developing and keeping healthy boundaries as part of self-care. The quote that I took away with me (and have repeated to myself and shared with others) is this: "No is a complete sentence."

This is important because my first impulse is almost always to say "yes" when asked to serve or help or lead or speak-especially if the ask has to do with righting a wrong (social justice) or helping a family (service). In the past, I have seen this as just who I am; I have been proud of myself for over-doing, over-extending myself. It took me over-promising my time to the point of mental and physical exhaustion before I would collapse for a couple of days and rest, only to go right back and do it again! Thus, my sense of self was derived from "doing" with no time left for "being" or for regular prayer practices. Instead, I am trying to let my sense of self come from a place of connectedness-to God, to others, and to myself; for me, a regular and vibrant prayer practice is the foundation for healthy connectedness.

When I operate from that foundation, my relationships with colleagues, church members, and the congregation as a whole become more balanced. I am able to claim authority to do ministry-to teach, preach, and speak in the public square from a solid rootedness in this community, even when my authority to do so is denied by so many in the wider community. Having the support and prayers of my congregation, the honor of teaching our children and serving with church leaders, and shared respect with our pastor, John Gill have fueled my growth as a person of faith and as a faith leader.

My personal relationships, with my spouse, my friends, and my family have also become more balanced, although my tendency to "do" too much in my ministry work has sometimes affected that balance. Besides continuing to develop spiritual practices, my goal is to carefully protect these bonds and tend to these personal connections that so inform another facet of my sense of self -as a caring spouse, a compassionate friend, and a strong, loyal sister.

So, the root of my healthy sense of self is relational-connectedness with God, my community, my family, and my true self-the part of me that is loved and valued as a creation of God, not earned by anything I can do.

III. Exhibiting strong moral character and personal integrity.

The words "strong moral character" do not hold a good connotation for me, probably because my mental health issues (depression and anxiety) have been judged to be moral deficiencies at times. Even an integral part of my being-my sexual identity-has been called a moral failure. While I understand that having and upholding morals does not equal self-righteous judgement, I still have some trouble relating to the term. Integrity, however, I understand; I know it when I see it. I define integrity as holding firm to one's beliefs, living them out. It is the opposite of hypocrisy, which I define as saying one thing and doing another when no one is watching. Integrity is being whole and holistic in one's approach to life.

There is a family that is connected to Church of the Savior whose members personify my definition of integrity; they practice what they preach, so to speak. A married couple and a single woman join in caring for children, teens, undocumented people, and trans folx who have been rejected by their families of origin. Their paid jobs are in the field of social services but they live out their vocations in their everyday lives. The couple and the children (at present, 3 adopted siblings, age 6-10 and 2 foster siblings, age 9 and 12, 2 trans teens who were experiencing homelessness) live in a sprawling Victorian house at the edge of the city. The single woman lives in a house next door, housing folks who need it temporarily and helping care for the children. They grow an organic garden, keep chickens for eggs, and host weary social justice warriors who pass through our city.

Their children are active in our church; we are part of their larger family, helping them to heal from past traumas. This family truly embodies many of the ways that Jesus showed us to live: they place people, creatures, and the earth above material possessions; they feed the hungry, provide shelter, and advocate for the oppressed; they have a table that is open to all for nourishment and communion. I want to share a story about them that astounds me in its selfless service, compassion, and adherence to Christian principles. Almost three years ago, our Accompaniment Team (walking with undocumented folks) met a Guatemalan mother who needed transportation to Vanderbilt for treatment for a brain tumor. She had two daughters-ages 7 and 10, was living with other families in a small rental house, and had lost her cleaning job because of her illness. We agreed to "accompany" this small family by providing transportation to Nashville for treatments, helping guide her through the maze of our healthcare system.

As time passed, she had to move from rented room to rented room; we helped where we could, finding them a house and subsidizing the rent and utilities. Last year, her illness progressed so that she needed help caring for her daughters and we had exhausted all sources of housing (after 6 moves). Throughout the first year and a half, I had served as the principle Accompaniment Team member for the family. After the 5th move, I was out of ideas, resources, and energy so we reached out to the COS congregation, asking for a new team. Guess who stepped up? The people who were already caring for three foster children and in the process of adopting them, the people with little in the way of material resources- they formed a new accompaniment team, including friends who speak Spanish!

After the 6th move-only two months later, the mother's illness progressed to the point that she could not care for her children alone. The team got busy and moved them into the Victorian, eventually rearranging to make room for a hospital bed for the mother. This family cared for her until her death a few months ago. They are fostering her daughters, helping them to grieve and to survive. They held a sweet memorial service, outdoors and masked, to allow some closure for her children and friends. It looks as if they will adopt the girls unless a better option arises.

I know that their way of life may seem strange to some. After all, they live in contrast to our society's mores. I have heard their home compared to a commune, which I believe they would embrace. Their lives resemble the early church's response to Jesus' teachings in a way I have never before seen-truly counter-cultural. They give sacrificially yet they are healthy and joyful. For me, this family's life is the very model of integrity.

V. Understanding and ministering to stages of human development across the life span.

During the past 13 months of the pandemic, churches have had to adapt and move quickly to address new challenges in the way we do almost everything. For Church of the Savior, both the bodily health of our community and the spiritual/mental health of our congregation have been at the center of decisions regarding suspending physical worship, maintaining virtual worship and connections, and starting limited in-person worship services. With our city's Covid 19 statistics in hand, we have moved between these three-often very rapidly.

In my position as Minister for Youth and Children, I have grown in my understanding of ministering to stages of human development across the life span, especially to children and youth struggling with isolation due to the pandemic. In addition, elderly members have had to grieve the deaths of loved ones without getting to say goodbye to them. Parents of younger children have struggled with their new realities: working from home while helping their children with virtual school, lost jobs and income, and worsening of depression and anxiety. Each unique situation has brought with it challenges and sometimes failures.

During the year, I provided pulpit supply and pastoral care when our pastor was away. I have served in this capacity several times over the past few years, being a comforting presence for families' who are facing the death of a beloved parent, visiting members in hospitals or nursing facilities, helping to access mental health care for an adult in a mental health crisis. However, with the limitations caused by Covid 19 safety measures, each pastoral care need brought different circumstances and challenges. I tried to learn to pray with people over the telephone in a way that was nurturing for them, to counsel and provide mental health referrals via FaceTime or Zoom, and to come up with creative ways to keep our community connected.

The most challenging aspect for me has been learning to minister to children and youth as they face the loss of social connections at school and church, cancelation of important life events like graduation, and separation from grandparents. In the past, my experience with children and youth has been mostly religious education, Christian formation, and some ministering to children experiencing bullying, loss of a grandparent or youth who are questioning their beliefs. I attempted to do some of this through virtual communications but it felt unsatisfying to me; I was not at all sure that it was helpful to them either. So, I found ways to meet in person as often as possible. I started "porch visits" in May of 2020, which consisted of me going to families' homes and meeting on their porch, patio, or out in the yard. We observed Covid 19 protocols like masking and social distancing as well as staying outdoors, beginning with children whose parents had shared concerns with me. I was able to do these pastoral care visits at least monthly with most of our families.

Even with in-person interactions, I did not feel certain that I was helping some of our families but I continued to be present for any who wanted my presence. Sometimes, a parent would sit at a distance so that their child could speak freely about their feelings. Other times, children would play nearby, giving me time to listen to parents' concerns too. We slowly built bonds that would help us remain connected even after the weather changed and Covid cases rose in the fall, mostly ending in-person activities. When we could not meet in person, I arranged Zoom meetings for parents of children and, separately, parents of teens so they could share their needs and concerns with me, each other, and our pastor. We have also used those conversations to gauge parents' comfort levels with returning to in-person worship services, childcare, and children's activities but the main purpose was connection.

Recently, during our Youth Led Worship Service, two parents (one of small children and one of a small child and a teen in our youth group) surprised me by reading some thoughts they had written during the service. I was deeply touched, hearing that I had indeed been helpful to children and to parents. I asked to share their words in my portfolio and both happily agreed. Here are their words:

Wendy Rogers (mother of Amy Jo-age 6 and Eva-age 14):

“For Tonya:

I have so much admiration and appreciation for Tonya. She has brought to me both the comfort and the challenge that Church of the Savior hopes to foster as a whole.

Her accepting energy makes me at ease being myself and her willing spirit inspires me to be bolder than I am naturally inclined to be on my own in the face of what’s wrong in the world.

As a parent, I couldn’t ask for a kinder, more giving, and more thoughtful influence on my children.

Tonya sees the kids for who they are and seeks to understand them so they feel loved and wanted.

As a guide for the youth, she doesn’t try to think for the kids or put words in their mouths. Yet she gives them so many chances to step out of their comfort zones, asking them to consider hard questions so that they may think deeply and learn to act justly.

She wants them to be affected by the world that holds us, a world in which many do all they can to keep children and teens unaware and unaffected.

I am so grateful that we have been affected by Tonya, that we have her energy, spirit, and influence in our lives."

Hannah Kline (mother of Theo, age 7 and Winnie, age 4):

"It’s hard to put into words just how grateful my family is for Tonya. I know she means so much to so many of us in this community. I think what I’m most grateful for, and what will always be a significant part of her legacy here at COS, is the community of safety and acceptance that she has created for our kids.

When we first started coming to COS several years ago, after a long break from church-going, I was somewhat nervous and unsure about putting my kids in Sunday school. I was only familiar with the types of Sunday school messages I grew up listening to; ones that I’d later spent years deconstructing. I knew I wanted something different for my own children.

Tonya puts so much thought into the messages that the kids in our church receive and I’ll forever be grateful for that. She has spent years gently shepherding our young ones through the grey areas of a progressive, Christian faith, of which there are many.

And she has done this by leading with LOVE. That has always been the starting point. You can see this in her heart for the vulnerable in our world; the young, the old, minorities, and refugees. You see it in the safe spaces she has created for our children and youth to ask questions, to push back, to broaden their perspective of the world by learning about the lived experience of other people.

She has provided comfort and challenge, just as our church strives to do for all of us.

Tonya, I am so grateful for the extravagant welcome you have provided in this community. Thank you for being an example of how to lead with love. I hope that you will always know and remember how much of an impact you have made in the hearts and lives of so many little (and big) people in our church. We love you."